George and I are making dinner while I am writing this one! He is so great! I am a little obsessed! I get on kicks when I eat/cook and when I find something I like I tend to stick with it for a while until I get tired of it or I move on to the next fun experiment. Right now it’s eggs and chicken although I am wondering if eggs will be on their way out soon because of George! Dinner is chicken salad with broccoli and avocado, yummy!
Lately it seems like God has been answering a lot of my prayers with “NO.” I got frustrating news this week that it may take me longer to graduate than I had originally planned. I thought this was going to be my last semester but now it looks like that may not be the case. As you can imagine, this is super disappointing. It has taken me many years to finish school and has involved many trials and obstacles. The main one being fibromyalgia. I am trying to remind myself that even though I may not graduate this semester I am closer than I have ever been before and if I keep going I will get there someday.
I was having a moment with God where I was crying and frustrated and angry with all the walls I feel like I keep hitting with so many things – school was just the latest and last straw. I was even so mad that I didn’t want to read my bible that night – I know, crazy/stupid/I’m a pastor and know better. Even though I knew that those are the times when you’re supposed to read the Bible the most I couldn’t do it at the moment. I realize I have issues, we’ll deal with those later! Ha! (and don’t worry, I did my reading later.)
Instead, I read “Waking the Dead” by John Eldredge. It’s awesome, I totally recommend! This is the second book I’ve read from him and I definitely plan to read more. It just so happened (ha! God had it all planned!) that the passage I read was completely perfect for my moment of despair. The chapter I was on opens with the story of a man in a similar situation feeling hopeless and frustrated. God comes to talk to him and explains to him that He has been there through out all of these situations even when the man thought he was alone. I know this sounds like that footprints poem, but believe me, this story was even awesomer!
So this is what I wrote in my journal, taken from the book:
Your heart is GOOD.
Your hear REALLY matters.
The Holy Spirit is here asking you, “tell me your sorrows” and he is waiting to listen.
This is your story and it is not finished. God has a plan for all of this.
I am so thankful for the peace that I felt after this. I think the part that resonated the most is the idea that this is only the middle of the story. When faced with so many things feel like the final answer it is hard to remember this isn’t the end of my story. Although
some most everything isn’t going the way I hoped/planned/dreamed/thought it would – things are going this way for a reason and God has a plan.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who ar called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
“For I know the plans that I have for you, ‘declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11